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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I’m not feeling very worky today.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,596

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

Going viral on Messenger:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Trending via X:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

Making waves on X:

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

Just shared via Threads:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Trending via Pinterest:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Seen just now on Discord:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

18 Funny paying quotes

Funny paying quotes are the perfect way to add some humor 💸😂 to those wallet woes and paycheck moments! Whether you’re dodging bills or celebrating payday, these witty lines will have you chuckling while counting coins 💰😄. Ready to turn that money stress into laughter? Let’s dive into some hilarious takes on paying up that’ll brighten your day and your bank account mood! 🎉💵

New funny paying quotes 👇

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

0

2 months ago

automation, cashier, cashiers, consumer, consumer price, debate, economy, living, living wage, paying, price, prices, retail, self-checkout, wage, wage debate, why
My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

0

2 months ago

adulting, back, borrowing, favorite, finance, humor, money, myself, paying, paying back, personal, personal finance, self
I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, age, comfort, convenience, extra, i, little, maturity, okay, paying, payment, spending, understand, where
There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

0

2 months ago

discord, Discord Nitro, gaming, humor, living, nitro, online, online service, pay, paying, people, real, service, subscription, us
Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

0

2 months ago

decision, employment, existing, extra, hiring, humor, job, management, office, paying, role, salary, staff, staffing, workplace
Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

0

2 months ago

dating, DM, DMs, Etsy, humor, love, magic, paying, put, relationship, spell, witch
My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

0

2 months ago

ability, buying, expenses, extravagant, getting, grocery, housing, humor, irony, lifestyle, money, paying, save, save money
Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

0

2 months ago

always, crying, dude, frustration, humor, i, kid, parenting, paying, shopping, stop, store
Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

0

2 months ago

advice, advisor, budgeting, cost, enough, finance, financial, financial advisor, hiring, humor, i, money, paying, personal, personal finance, piece
Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

0

3 months ago

budgeting, expiration, faster, food, food waste, fruit, grocery, humor, money, paying, shopping, vegetable, vegetables, waste

For even more funny paying quotes, hit next 👇

All funny paying quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

Student life is all about convincing your parents that you are studying, convincing your friends that you are not, and convincing yourself that you’ll study from tomorrow.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

19 shares on YouTube this month:

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

90 shares on Discord this month:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,418

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I can’t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Somehow I picked the worst possible decade to try to have a career.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

Spotted on Telegram:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Shared recently on X:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Going viral on Slack:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Making waves on YouTube:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Live now on TikTok:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Trending via WhatsApp:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Spotted on TikTok:

It’s all fun and games until it’s 10 p.m., you’re all cozy in bed, and you remember you still have laundry in the washer.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴