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714 Funny people quotes

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I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.
A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.
Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.
Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.
People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

More funny people quotes 👇

3 months ago
Share →: Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

Commentary:
"Looks like Germany is really bratwurst-ing in the cheese and sausages department! 🧀🌭 Talk about embracing the Wurst Käse scenario with open arms…or should we say open mouths? 😄 Time to get slicing and dicing those delicious ingredients! Prost! 🇩🇪"
3 months ago
Share →: I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

Commentary:
"Ah, the mighty power within us all – we can conquer mountains, slay dragons, but heaven forbid we sit through a symphony of chewing! 🙉🍽️ #SelectiveSuperpowers"
3 months ago
Share →: I only drink when I people.

Commentary:
"Ah, the ultimate excuse for social lubrication! 🥂 Who knew 'peopling' could be so demanding that it requires a drink or two? 🤪 Let's raise a glass to all those moments when dealing with people drives us to drink! 🍻"
3 months ago
Share →: I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Commentary:
"Who knew a simple invitation could lead to such an intense cleaning workout! 💪🏡 Better start sprinting with that vacuum cleaner before your guests arrive! 🏃‍♂️🧹 #HouseworkOlympics"
3 months ago
Share →: I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Commentary:
"Being nice is just my default setting because let's face it, my face does most of the talking for me 😜🤷‍♂️ #uglybutkind"
3 months ago
Share →: People delete their social media and start acting like they got a master’s degree in maturity.

Commentary:
"Watch out, we've got some online detox wizards over here! 🧙‍♂️ Turning off the screens and suddenly they're dropping wisdom like they've graduated from the University of Adulting 101. 😂 Who knew the 'unfollow' button had all the answers? 🤔 #MaturityLevelUp"
3 months ago
Share →: Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Commentary:
😄😏 "Keep smiling, it makes people wonder if you've just discovered a secret stash of chocolate hidden in the office 😂🍫 Who knew that a simple grin could be so mysterious and intriguing? Keep 'em guessing, superstar!"
3 months ago
Share →: People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Commentary:
"Who needs ex-girlfriends when you can collect ex-crushes like Pokémon cards? Gotta catch 'em all! 😄💔 #HeartbreakMaster"
3 months ago
Share →: People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Commentary:
"Ah, the infamous self-proclaimed sex gods! 🙄 Maybe they're hoping for a standing ovation? Or perhaps a trophy for 'Most Creative Use of Ego'? 🏆 Let's just hope they're as skilled in reality as they are in their imagination! 😂"
3 months ago
Share →: I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Commentary:
"Come on over and let's be antisocial together! 📱😂 Who needs face-to-face conversations when we've got phone screens to keep us company, am I right? #ModernGathering"