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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

“Are we still going?” … An introvert’s attempt to cancel.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t like who I become when I’m watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,517

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Making waves on Instagram:

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Going viral on Messenger:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Just shared via Slack:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Just shared via Slack:

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

39 Funny pets quotes

More funny pets quotes 👇

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

3 weeks ago

animal, back, behavior, communication, else, every, house, leave, pet, pets, soon, time
If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

3 weeks ago

animal, bowl, communication, humor, just, misunderstanding, pets, put, should, sign, store, water
All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

3 weeks ago

belief, church, dog, dogs, heaven, humor, i, irony, never, pets, religion
My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

3 weeks ago

around, cat, cats, dynamics, humor, husband, just, me, order, pets, relationship
I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

3 weeks ago

dating, dog, ever, ghosted, humor, just, loyalty, me, pets, relationship, saying
My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

3 weeks ago

canine, dog, folium, folium lanceolatum, humor, joke, just, lanceolatum, leaf, nature, pets, tracking
I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

3 weeks ago

book, corner, dog, dog ear, ear, humor, math, page, page corner, pets, reading
When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

3 weeks ago

children, companionship, dog, family, happiness, happy, house, humor, love, parenting, pets, relationships, someone, teenager
I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

3 weeks ago

ago, animal, animals, better, cat, cat owner, easily, failure, food, giving, holy, humor, i, judge, just, organ, organ failure, owner, pet, pets, shit, starve, stubborn, taste, time, too, used, weeks, whim

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All funny pets quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

36 shares on Discord this month:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Trending via Discord:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Just landed via Twitch:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Live now on Telegram:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

Just shared via X:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Seen just now on Twitch:

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Live now on TikTok:

The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

Making waves on TikTok:

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Activity Log ✨

39 Funny pets quotes

More funny pets quotes 👇

All funny pets quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨