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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Not my room, not my elephant.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,672

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Live now on Instagram:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Making waves on Twitch:

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Home » Funny Productivity Quotes

114 Funny productivity quotes

Funny productivity quotes poke fun at our endless attempts to get things done — and all the distractions that get in the way! 😂📋 Whether it’s making a to-do list just to feel accomplished, spending an hour organizing your workspace instead of working, or feeling productive after sending *one* email, these quotes remind us that being busy isn’t always the same as being productive. Because sometimes, procrastination is just productivity in disguise! 😆💼⏳

New funny productivity quotes 👇

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

0

1 week ago

contrast, distraction, humor, painting, productive, productivity, staring, Victorian, Victorian painting, wall, work
Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

0

2 weeks ago

anxiety, being, delay, even, humor, means, perfectionist, procrastinator, productivity, started, stress, work
Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

0

2 weeks ago

employment, full-time, humor, job, list, lists, load, making, mental, mental load, productivity, think, thinking, thought, thoughts, work
It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

0

3 weeks ago

accomplish, amazing, around, before, cleaning, coming, house, housework, humor, i, motivation, much, over, preparation, procrastination, productivity, right, someone, visitor
Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

0

1 month ago

am, doing, done, going, humor, i, just, keep, literally, motivation, obsession, productivity, self-improvement, stuff, unfortunately, woman
Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

0

1 month ago

academic, academic paper, after, browsing, closed, ever, frustration, great, humor, internet, internet browsing, life, multitasking, paper, productivity, sex, student, student life, sure, tabs
I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

0

1 month ago

creative, creative writing, fiction, humor, joke, list, lists, productivity, short, short fiction, to-do, to-do list, writing
In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

0

2 months ago

humor, irony, management, procrastination, productive, productivity, terms, time, time management, today, wasting, wasting time
Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

0

2 months ago

always, delay, horrible, humor, i, laziness, management, mean, nothing, plus, procrastination, productivity, something, thing, time, time management, today, tomorrow
Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, doing, ending, even, humor, irony, laziness, lot, love, motivation, plans, procrastination, productivity, things, wanting, yay

For even more funny productivity quotes, hit next 👇

All funny productivity quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

32 shares on Discord this month:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

75 shares on Reddit this month:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

What happened to my ankles tonight mosquitologically can never happen again.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

42 shares on Telegram this month:

My secret talent is turning any situation into a considerably more awkward one.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes you just need a Saturday to sleep all day and do absolutely nothing.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,854

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Just landed via Slack:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Just shared via Snapchat:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

Spotted on YouTube:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

Just landed via Discord:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Going viral on Slack:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Seen just now on Threads:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

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