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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,317

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Going viral on Snapchat:

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

Going viral on Telegram:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Spotted on Slack:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

Spotted on YouTube:

Job-hopping is a funny concept, like ‘Hey, I’m gonna go hate my life over there instead.’

Going bananas on Snapchat:

The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.

Trending via Twitch:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

34 Funny risk quotes

Funny risk quotes 🤪 are the perfect way to add a dash of humor to the unpredictable world of daring decisions and bold moves. Whether you’re laughing at the fine line between bravery and folly 😂 or embracing the chaos of life’s unexpected twists and turns 🎢, these quotes remind us that risk-taking isn’t just thrilling—it’s downright hilarious! Get ready to chuckle your way through some wisdom with a side of giggles 😆.

New funny risk quotes 👇

A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

3 weeks ago

addict, addiction, betting, called, gambler, gambling, humor, irony, lose, only, risk
If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

1 month ago

Arabia, drug, drug law, getting, humor, joke, law, pot, risk, saudi, Saudi Arabia, smoke, stoned, wordplay
Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

2 months ago

activity, five, game, humor, irony, people, risk, roulette, Russian, Russian Roulette, safe, safety, six, statistics
Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

2 months ago

always, cherry, dumb, health, health risk, humor, kazoo, lead, lead poisoning, looks, poisoning, risk, sarcastic, smoking, top, vaping
If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

2 months ago

activity, adventure, archery, blindfold, blindfold archery, challenge, fun, fun activity, give, humor, know, missing, new, outdoor, outdoor activity, risk, should, things, tried, trying, trying new things, uniqueness
Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.

2 months ago

adventure, bad, bad idea, excitement, fun, hell, humor, idea, just, lot, mean, rebellious, risk, spontaneity
I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

2 months ago

adventure, blindly, comedy, dodgy, dodgy situation, Hobbit, humor, i, misadventure, risk, situation, situations, walk, walking
Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

2 months ago

airport, airport timing, app, arrival, dating, dating app, humor, risk, risk tolerance, timing, tolerance, travel
Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

2 months ago

addiction, benefits, cannabis, example, fat, gain, health, health risk, humor, insane, insanity, laziness, lazy, mental, mental health, risk, satire, weight, weight gain
I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

2 months ago

analyze, consequences, decision, failure, humor, i, irony, limit, risk, screw, screw up, self-reflection, situation, take

For even more funny risk quotes, hit next 👇

All funny risk quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The amount of family secrets you uncover as you get older is wild.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

31 shares on Slack this month:

How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

88 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,490

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I can’t believe we became the adults in the most unaffordable period in history.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

If you wear enough cardigans, people will assume you’re smart and you can stop reading entirely.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Spotted on Slack:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Just landed via Slack:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Making waves on TikTok:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Going viral on Discord:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

Just shared via Threads:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

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