Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Commentary:
"Step aside, world! It's time for some serious overestimation of my importance today 💁‍♂️👑. Who needs humility when you've got confidence in abundance? Fly high, believe in your fabulousness, and remember, the universe revolves around YOU today! 🌎💫 #FeelingExtraSpecial #EgoOnFleek"

If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

Commentary:
"Looks like your compliments are causing a climate change in my eyewear! 🌬️👓 Don't stop, I'm just trying to keep it cool and clear here 😎 #FoggyFlattery"

Don't compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Commentary:
"Remember, comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to feel inadequate. Embrace your unique awesomeness and shine bright like the star you are! 🌟💁‍♂️ #JustBeYou"

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I've still got it!

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Commentary:
"Looks like your DMs are going to be 90% more interesting now! 😉🔥 Keep slaying, influencer extraordinaire! 💁‍♂️💃 #StillGotIt"

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

Commentary:
"Hey there, self-roaster! Remember, you're not made of marshmallow material – no need to burn yourself out! 🔥🚫 Stay cool like a cucumber instead! 🥒😄"

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Commentary:
"Who needs a perfect 10 when you can be a deliciously entertaining combination of two 5s sprinkled with cheese and chocolate? 🧀🍫 Aim for cheesy-chocolaty greatness, and watch them melt at your charm! 😉"

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Commentary:
"Love me or hate me, if you can handle my fabulousness, you totally deserve me! 💁‍♀️💅😜 #confidenceoverload"

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

Commentary:
"Who needs validation when you're already the whole package? 🌟 Keep shining bright, darling! ✨ #HumbleButFabulous"

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

Commentary:
"Who needs a diploma when you have that sizzling appearance? 🔥🎓 Just remember, PhD in Hotness beats any Ivy League degree hands down! 😎💯 #BeautyOverBrains"

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Commentary:
"Looks like this person's nude game is so strong, they're a one-hit wonder! 📷😄 No need for an encore when you nail it on the first try! 💁‍♂️👌"