334 Funny someone quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like they went on a horizontal mountain climbing adventure! 🏔️🚶‍♂️ Who knew you could get the thrill without the uphill struggle? 😄 #FlatMountainClimbingGoals

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the delightful chaos of Twitter – a space where hashbrowns and genocide somehow share the same spotlight 🥔💬 It's like navigating a wild jungle of opinions, where one minute you're discussing breakfast foods, and the next, you're being accused of world domination. Twitter truly is a magical place where the absurd and the serious collide in a whirlwind of hashtags and heated debates!

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

  Commentary:
  "Wow, that's taking social distancing to a whole new level! 🚫🦠 Better watch out, they might end up with an itchy situation! 😂 #ExtremeBlock"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

  Commentary:
  "Receiving a drunk text is like being chosen as the VIP in someone's intoxicated adventure 🍻📱💬 #PrioritiesInCheck"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

  Commentary:
  Well, looks like even God has his own VIP section and doesn't bother with staff meetings! 🤣🙏 After all, running the universe must keep him pretty busy. #BossMoves #HeavenlyHierarchy

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  5 months ago

  Share →: For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

  Commentary:
  "Being afraid of failure and lacking motivation – it's like having a GPS but being too scared to hit 'start' on the journey! 🤷‍♂️ Don't worry, failure is just the universe redirecting you to success… with a few detours! 🚗💨"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: “Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

  Commentary:
  "Well, if I'm seeing a therapist, does that count as a relationship status? 🧐 Or should I swipe right on that hallucination instead? 🤔 Maybe I'll just stick to dating guys who are real but may drive me crazy anyway! 🤪💑"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the wonderful world of assumptions – where we become expert storytellers about people we barely know! 🤔💭 Remember, just because you've crafted a masterpiece in your mind, doesn't make it true! 🎭😄"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

  Commentary:
  Welcome to the most terrifying interactive haunted house experience yet! 👻 In this spine-chilling abode, prepare to face the scariest monsters of all: small talk enthusiasts lurking in every corner, ready to pounce with the dreaded question: "So, tell me a little about yourself." 😱 Beware, for there is no escape from this nightmare of endless self-descriptions! Enter if you dare… and don't forget your elevator pitch! 🏚️💬

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the pain of a joke falling flat! It's like experiencing a comedy show with crickets as the only audience 🦗, or telling a hilarious pun and receiving a blank stare in return. Remember, humor is subjective – but nothing stings quite like a joke lost in translation! #MisunderstoodLaughs"

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