334 Funny someone quotes

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  3 months ago

  Share →: I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a church when you've got a magician in the house? I wouldn't mind a taste of that 'holy' water myself!"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

  Commentary:
  "If only we could donate our lost pounds to our frenemies, we'd all be lining up for that weight loss challenge! Just imagine the satisfaction of seeing that person struggling with our unwanted weight while we strut our stuff feeling lighter and revenge-slimmed."

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  3 months ago

  Share →: We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

  Commentary:
  "Well, they say maturity is overrated, but nothing can quite burst your bubble of sophistication like the irresistible allure of bubble wrap. It's a poppin' good time for all ages!"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

  Commentary:
  "Apparently, birds have been mastering the art of seduction long before humans – who knew their chirping was just a clever ploy all along! Now I’m imagining a bird composing a catchy tune with lyrics like, 'Wanna perch on my branch tonight? Tweet me back, baby!' Ah, the avian version of a love song – nature truly is full of surprises!"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

  Commentary:
  Ah, the classic case of "Do unto others as they do unto you, and watch them suddenly develop amnesia!" It seems some individuals prefer to dish it out rather than take it in return. It's like they're expecting a one-way street with a detour sign when it comes to equal treatment!

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  3 months ago

  Share →: When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

  Commentary:
  "When life hands you lemons, make sure they don't see it coming! Remember, it's all fun and games until someone gets lemon juice in their eye."

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  3 months ago

  Share →: You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

  Commentary:
  "Remember folks, skipping dusting isn't just laziness, it's a way to keep your loved ones safe. Who knows, that dusty shelf might just be a distant cousin waiting to make a surprise appearance!"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic pen-clicking dilemma – caught between the wrath of others and the undeniable urge to fidget! It's like a battle of wills, with the pen emerging as the unsuspecting weapon of choice. Just one more click for the road, right? Who knew such a tiny device could spark such big emotions!"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

  Commentary:
  "Looking for that special someone who can appreciate the sacred silence that comes when a banger plays 🎶🤫 Good communication skills are music to my ears! 🎵🗣️ #SelectiveListenerGoals"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

  Commentary:
  🏆🏠 "If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me." Now that's what you call next-level homebody skills! Who needs a trophy when you've mastered the art of staying comfy at home? 😂 #HomebodyChampion

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