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129 Funny take quotes

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

3 months ago

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

3 months ago

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

3 months ago

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

3 months ago

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

3 months ago

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

3 months ago

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

3 months ago

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

3 months ago

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

3 months ago

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

3 months ago

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

3 months ago

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

3 months ago

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

3 months ago

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

3 months ago

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

3 months ago

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

3 months ago

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

3 months ago

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

3 months ago

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

3 months ago

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

3 months ago