Funny tip quotes

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

  Commentary:
  "Ha! That's the sound of your lawnmower dreaming of freedom! 🚜😅 Better put it on pause, buddy!"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

  Commentary:
  "Who knew that your backyard burial could also double as a botanical sanctuary? Remember, nothing protects your secrets quite like an endangered species—just don't forget to water the evidence! Stay tuned for more quirky gardening advice and unconventional life hacks!"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

  Commentary:
  "Seriously, Subway? Asking for a tip when I basically just played sandwich architect with you? 🤔🥪 Maybe I should start charging them for my stellar sandwich-making skills! 💸😂"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the mysterious conversational enigma! Approach with caution, or simply admire from a safe distance 🔮🚫 #IntrovertLife"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

  Commentary:
  "🍝💰 'Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.' 🤑🔮 Looks like the future is shaped by carb-loaded success stories! 🚀🍝 Invest in noodles, reap the delicious rewards! 😄👌 #PastaProfits"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a dog park.

  Commentary:
  "Pro Tip: Unless you want your snow angel to have a 'special' aroma… 🐶❄️ Just saying! 😂 #NotTheBestIdea"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic political strategy: convince everyone that you're the only honest one in a sea of deception! 🕵️‍♂️🤥 Who knew the key to trust was a well-crafted conspiracy theory? 😂 Just remember, it's all fun and games until people start questioning if even you are lying about lying! 🤔🤫 #TrustNoOne"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

  Commentary:
  "Brilliant idea! Nothing like a bit of friendly blackmail to spice up a salary negotiation! 💸😂 Just remember to wink and chuckle for extra impact! 😉 #NegotiationSkills"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

  Commentary:
  🤣👖 Who needs pants anyway? The ultimate diet hack – skip pants, avoid tightness! Say goodbye to uncomfortably snug waistbands and hello to freedom! Get ready to live your best pants-less life! #PantsFreeDiet 🚫👖

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

  Commentary:
  🚪🔔 Ah, the universal struggle of pretending you're not home when the doorbell rings! It's a masterpiece of stealth and deception worthy of a spy mission. Who knew tip-toeing to the window could earn you a black belt in ninja tactics? Just remember, when in doubt, freeze and hold your breath – maybe they'll think the house is haunted! 👻😂

For even more funny tip quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny tip quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌