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70 Funny witty quotes

Funny witty quotes are the perfect sprinkle of humor and cleverness that can make anyone’s day brighter πŸ˜„βœ¨. Imagine a cocktail 🍹 of laughter and wisdom, served with a twist of irony and a dash of sarcasm. These little gems are ideal for sharing with friends or adding a cheeky caption to your selfie πŸ“Έ. Dive into the world of witty one-liners and watch your mood soar πŸš€!

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

Posted on1 month ago1 month ago

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

I’m sorry to break it to you, but you need a soul to have a soulmate.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

I must retire to my chambers about this.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

β€œYou’re so understanding,” yeah, because I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.

Posted on3 months ago3 months ago

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Posted on3 months ago3 months ago

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

Posted on3 months ago3 months ago

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Posted on3 months ago3 months ago

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Posted on3 months ago3 months ago

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Posted on3 months ago3 months ago

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Posted on3 months ago3 months ago

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Posted on3 months ago3 months ago

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Posted on3 months ago3 months ago

Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.

Posted on3 months ago3 months ago

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Posted on3 months ago3 months ago

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