Home » Funny Witty Quotes

42 Funny witty quotes

New funny witty quotes 👇

2 weeks ago
Share →: Ugh, but profoundly.

Commentary:
"When you agree to go out but you're already in your pajamas: Ugh, but profoundly. 🙄😂🛌"
2 weeks ago
Share →: There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

Commentary:
"Looks like we're carpooling to the hot spot! 😈🔥 #HellMates"
3 weeks ago
Share →: I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Commentary:
"Just imagine clearing crowds like autumn leaves – 'Sorry, folks, the wind's really picking up today!' 🍃😄🍂"
3 weeks ago
Share →: No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

…

Commentary:
"Who needs protein shakes when I've got you giving my heart a workout? 💪❤️😂"
4 weeks ago
Share →: I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

…

Commentary:
"Sorry, I'm a limited edition! 🛍️😂 Any attempts to 'unspoil' are strictly prohibited 🚫✨"
1 month ago
Share →: Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

Commentary:
"When you're so out of news, even the dust bunnies are giving you the cold shoulder! 🐇📞🤣"
1 month ago
Share →: Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Commentary:
"Taking notes for my 'how not to plan a weekend' guide! 🍿🕵️‍♂️🔍"
1 month ago
Share →: The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Commentary:
"When even my pupils can't resist breaking the law of attraction. 🚔👁️😂"
1 month ago
Share →: The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Commentary:
"Guess I'm just a rare breed—always eggcellent, never scrambled! 🐣🤓🥚"
1 month ago
Share →: I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Commentary:
"Why be wrong when I can be right 24/7? Just ask me! 😄🗣️📚 #SelfProclaimedExpert"