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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Viewing everyone’s stories like the morning paper.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Caffeine is not enough anymore, I need to chew on a power line.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Happy new fear!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,512

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

Breaking via Discord:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

Making waves on Slack:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Trending via Threads:

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Live now on Reddit:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I used to have a great future in my past.

55 Funny account quotes

Funny account quotes 🎉 are the perfect way to sprinkle humor into your day 😂, turning mundane moments into laugh-out-loud memories 🤣. Whether you’re scrolling through social media or searching for a witty caption, these quotes offer a delightful escape from the ordinary 🏝️. Enjoy a giggle or two, and share the joy with friends 👯‍♂️. Let’s keep the fun rolling and the smiles glowing 😄!

New funny account quotes 👇

Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.

1 week ago

account, bank, bank account, finance, Funny, funny account, humor, joke, media, serious, serious account, social, social media, Twitter
I hate being at the age where you feel obligated to buy your whole family gifts for Christmas, but also the age where your bank account doesn’t feel obligated to support that.

1 week ago

account, adulting, age, bank, bank account, being, buy, Christmas, family, family gift, feel, finance, gift, gifts, hate, holiday, holiday shopping, humor, i, money, obligation, shopping, support, where, whole
Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

1 week ago

account, authentication, before, code, humor, just, login, microsoft, need, notification, OMG, security, send, sign, sign in, signed, someone, technology
So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

1 week ago

account, am, bank, bank account, budget, Christmas, everyone, finance, getting, gift, holiday, humor, i, just, looks, money, spending, thought
Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

1 week ago

account, care, device, devices, Gmail, humor, much, new, new device, notification, relationship, security, sign, sign in, someone, technology
Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

1 week ago

account, adulthood, adulting, budgeting, day, days, finance, financial, financial struggle, humor, later, money, money transfer, myself, personal, personal finance, relatable, save, savings, savings account, struggle, three, transfer, wild
Big accounts just say water is wet and get 1 trillion likes.

1 week ago

1, account, accounts, big, exaggeration, humor, just, likes, media, say, social, social media, water, wet
The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

1 week ago

account, aging, fact, growth, hindsight, me, older, older me, personal, personal growth, problem, self-reflection, time, younger, younger me
Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

1 week ago

account, bank, bank account, budgeting, clean, clean slate, empty, finance, humor, money, month, new, new month, nice, slate, starting
My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

1 week ago

account, bank, bank account, conversation, debt, finance, humor, i, joke, longer, money, relationship, speaking, terms

For even more funny account quotes, hit next 👇

All funny account quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Reddit this month:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate when teachers put “?” on my work, like I don’t know either.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

85 shares on X this month:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

66 shares on Facebook this month:

The real flex is becoming the woman he cannot run back to.

30 shares on Threads this month:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,609

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Just shared via Instagram:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

Going bananas on Telegram:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Seen just now on Telegram:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

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