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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

The bad news is there was a lot of turbulence on my flight this morning. The good news is my phone counted it as steps.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,292

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Making waves on WeChat:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Spotted on TikTok:

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

Trending via Reddit:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Just shared via X:

Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

Just landed via Slack:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I have friends in high places (birds).

55 Funny account quotes

Funny account quotes 🎉 are the perfect way to sprinkle humor into your day 😂, turning mundane moments into laugh-out-loud memories 🤣. Whether you’re scrolling through social media or searching for a witty caption, these quotes offer a delightful escape from the ordinary 🏝️. Enjoy a giggle or two, and share the joy with friends 👯‍♂️. Let’s keep the fun rolling and the smiles glowing 😄!

New funny account quotes 👇

Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.

1 week ago

account, bank, bank account, finance, Funny, funny account, humor, joke, media, serious, serious account, social, social media, Twitter
I hate being at the age where you feel obligated to buy your whole family gifts for Christmas, but also the age where your bank account doesn’t feel obligated to support that.

1 week ago

account, adulting, age, bank, bank account, being, buy, Christmas, family, family gift, feel, finance, gift, gifts, hate, holiday, holiday shopping, humor, i, money, obligation, shopping, support, where, whole
Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

1 week ago

account, authentication, before, code, humor, just, login, microsoft, need, notification, OMG, security, send, sign, sign in, signed, someone, technology
So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

1 week ago

account, am, bank, bank account, budget, Christmas, everyone, finance, getting, gift, holiday, humor, i, just, looks, money, spending, thought
Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

1 week ago

account, care, device, devices, Gmail, humor, much, new, new device, notification, relationship, security, sign, sign in, someone, technology
Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

1 week ago

account, adulthood, adulting, budgeting, day, days, finance, financial, financial struggle, humor, later, money, money transfer, myself, personal, personal finance, relatable, save, savings, savings account, struggle, three, transfer, wild
Big accounts just say water is wet and get 1 trillion likes.

1 week ago

1, account, accounts, big, exaggeration, humor, just, likes, media, say, social, social media, water, wet
The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

1 week ago

account, aging, fact, growth, hindsight, me, older, older me, personal, personal growth, problem, self-reflection, time, younger, younger me
Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

1 week ago

account, bank, bank account, budgeting, clean, clean slate, empty, finance, humor, money, month, new, new month, nice, slate, starting
My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

1 week ago

account, bank, bank account, conversation, debt, finance, humor, i, joke, longer, money, relationship, speaking, terms

For even more funny account quotes, hit next 👇

All funny account quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Threads this month:

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

37 shares on TikTok this month:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

53 shares on Discord this month:

“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Why did they call it an AI-generated picture and not a ‘fauxtograph’?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

WhatsApp needs to remove that “this message was deleted” notification. It’s unnecessary drama.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,763

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

There’s endless songs out there about love and pain and life, but basically only one about the wheels on the bus. Just goes to show you they nailed it the first try.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Just landed via Reddit:

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Going bananas on Reddit:

Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

Just shared via Slack:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Trending via Telegram:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴