31 Funny account quotes

• 

  21 hours ago

  View →: Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.
• 

  1 week ago

  View →: I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.
• 

  2 weeks ago

  View →: You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.
• 

  3 weeks ago

  View →: My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.
• 

  2 months ago

  View →: I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.
• 

  3 months ago

  View →: My bank account is also in retrograde.
• 

  3 months ago

  View →: If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: I run a parody bank account.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: “Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: $20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: “Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

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