If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this. Posted on7 hours ago
You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster. Posted on8 hours ago
On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last. Posted on9 hours ago
Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”. Posted on11 hours ago
I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’. Posted on11 hours ago
If you’re having trouble finding the match to one of your socks, throw it away and the missing one will immediately show up. Follow me for more life hacks. Posted on13 hours ago
Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter. Posted on13 hours ago
Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something. Posted on13 hours ago
Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it. Posted on14 hours ago
What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that! Posted on14 hours ago
Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances. Posted on23 hours ago
Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own. Posted on1 day ago
Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger. Posted on1 day ago
I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong. Posted on1 day ago
I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance. Posted on1 day ago
If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once. Posted on1 day ago
Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself. Posted on1 day ago
Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar. Posted on2 days ago
Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle. Posted on2 days ago
If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate. Posted on2 days ago
If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings! Posted on2 days ago
Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away. Posted on2 days ago
My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits. Posted on2 days ago
“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you. Posted on2 days ago