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102 Funny childhood quotes

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

3 months ago

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

3 months ago

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

3 months ago

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

3 months ago

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

3 months ago

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

3 months ago

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

3 months ago

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

3 months ago

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

3 months ago

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

3 months ago

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

3 months ago

I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

3 months ago

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

3 months ago

Strict parents raise good liars.

3 months ago

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

3 months ago

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

3 months ago

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

3 months ago

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

3 months ago

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

3 months ago

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

3 months ago