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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,623

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighbor’s yard.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

Freshly posted on X:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Breaking via Facebook:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Spotted on Slack:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Going viral on Twitch:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Just shared via Messenger:

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

132 Funny driving quotes

More funny driving quotes 👇

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

18 hours ago

beautiful, beautiful woman, big, big car, buy, car, driving, gorgeous, grocery, house, humor, irony, kitchen, luxury, oh, overpriced, rich, rich woman, shopping, stock, woman
Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

20 hours ago

chic, classy, crash, crying, diva, driver, drivers, driving, keep, lane, little, next, over, something, while
Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

21 hours ago

2, car, driving, gangsta’s, Gangsta’s Paradise, hand, hand position, hands, home, humor, listening, music, nostalgia, paradise, position, road, road safety, safety, song
I brake for no one, except squirrels.

1 day ago

animal, brake, driving, except, humor, i, squirrel, squirrels
In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

1 day ago

20, anyone, car, comparison, confusion, driving, fly, headlights, hop, humor, i, just, knows, minutes, movie, movie comparison, rental, rental car, spaceship, spent, star, Star Wars, trying, wars
She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.

1 day ago

car, drive, driving, humor, manual, manual transmission, millennial, shift, stereotype, stick, stick shift, transmission, unique
I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

1 day ago

advice, being, brake, car, driver, driving, gas, gently, good, humor, i, know, little, put, skill, using
I drive like I’m immortal.

1 day ago

drive, driving, humor, i, immortality, reckless, reckless driving
Type of person to take the long way home just to listen to more music.

6 days ago

detour, driving, enjoyment, home, journey, just, listen, long way, music, person, personality, take, type
You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

2 weeks ago

activity, age, cow, drive, driving, fun, fun activity, never, old, past, shout, too

For even more funny driving quotes, hit next 👇

All funny driving quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Instagram this month:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

22 shares on Threads this month:

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Life always has it’s ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

It’s not a competition, but if it was I would win.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

You don’t get to comment on the world until you’ve made your bed.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

Shared recently on Discord:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Just landed via TikTok:

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

Freshly posted on X:

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

Just shared via YouTube:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Activity Log ✨

132 Funny driving quotes

More funny driving quotes 👇

All funny driving quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨