79 Funny driving quotes

More funny driving quotes 👇

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  5 months ago

  View →: I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.
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  5 months ago

  View →: My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.
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  5 months ago

  View →: It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.
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  5 months ago

  View →: You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.
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  5 months ago

  View →: When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.
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  5 months ago

  View →: It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Drive as I say, not as I drive.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.
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  5 months ago

  View →: If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!
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  5 months ago

  View →: I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.
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  5 months ago

  View →: The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.
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  5 months ago

  View →: If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?
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  5 months ago

  View →: Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.
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  5 months ago

  View →: If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

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