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105 Funny everything quotes

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

3 months ago

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

3 months ago

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

3 months ago

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

3 months ago

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

3 months ago

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

3 months ago

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

3 months ago

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

3 months ago

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

3 months ago

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

3 months ago

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

3 months ago

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

3 months ago

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

3 months ago

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

3 months ago

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

3 months ago

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

3 months ago

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

3 months ago

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

3 months ago

I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

3 months ago

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

3 months ago