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64 Funny gift quotes

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

3 months ago

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

3 months ago

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

3 months ago

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

3 months ago

An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

3 months ago

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

3 months ago

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

3 months ago

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

3 months ago

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

3 months ago

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

3 months ago

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

3 months ago

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

3 months ago

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

3 months ago

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

3 months ago

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

3 months ago

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

3 months ago

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

3 months ago

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

3 months ago

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

3 months ago