14227 Funny humor quotes

• I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.

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  1 hour ago

  humor, i, irony, nothing, notice, observation, pattern, procrastination, self-awareness

• Playing dead when a cop pulls me over.

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  3 hours ago

  behavior, cop, dead, funny behavior, humor, me, over, playing, playing dead, police, police stop, stop, traffic, traffic stop

• I need to drink less water. This peeing situation is out of control.

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  5 hours ago

  bathroom, bodily, bodily function, control, drink, function, humor, i, less, need, pee, peeing, situation, water

• When the weather gets warmer, I will become unstoppable. As long as it doesn’t get too warm, then I will be stoppable.

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  7 hours ago

  humor, i, motivation, stoppable, temperature, too, unstoppable, warm, warmer, warmth, weather

• The reason the world felt like a better place during your childhood is because you were a child.

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  9 hours ago

  better, child, childhood, humor, nostalgia, perspective, place, reason, world

• Telling my boss I can’t come back to work because I’ve discovered the joy of doing nothing.

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  11 hours ago

  back, boss, doing, doing nothing, excuse, humor, i, joy, laziness, nothing, procrastination, telling, work

• Long shower. Fresh sheets. Hair braided. Lights off. Candle glowing. Room smells incredible. Airplane crash videos on.

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  13 hours ago

  airplane, airplane crash video, braid, candle, crash, dark, dark humor, fresh, glowing, hair, hair braid, humor, incredible, irony, light, light off, lights, relaxation, room, room smell, sheet, sheets, shower, smell, smells, video, videos

• Before you beef with me, just know I’m deeply malicious to my core once upset.

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  15 hours ago

  attitude, beef, before, conflict, core, humor, just, know, malicious, me, once, personality, upset, warning

• You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

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  17 hours ago

  50, care, choose, encroachment, give, humor, menstruation, pad, period, personal, personal care, prime, still, underwear

• Masturbation is easy, but choosing a video is hard.

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  19 hours ago

  adult, adult humor, decision, decision making, easy, hard, humor, making, masturbation, selection, video, video selection

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