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  • They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

    Commentary:
    “They realized it was just the camera’s way of saying ‘I see you!’ 📸😈😅”

  • I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

    Commentary:
    Haha, love this! 😂 I’m just a playlist of emotions, and today’s hit is “Oops, I Did It Again!” 🎶😜🎵

  • I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

    Commentary:
    “Living that champagne taste on a tap water budget life! 🥂🛒 #BougieOnABudget”

  • Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

    Commentary:
    “Ready for summer! Just add sweat and you’ve got a complete transformation! 😅💦🍹”

  • The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

    Commentary:
    “When you hear the full name, run for cover! 😂👟👶 #MiddleNameAlert #UhOh”

  • Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

    Commentary:
    “Guess my charm isn’t appetizing, but at least the leftovers were! 🍽️😂 #DinnerWin”

  • The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

    Commentary:
    “Finally, a cozy cuddle that doesn’t leave you feeling deflated! 😂🎈 #RealDealSnuggles”

  • My plan is to die young as late as possible.

    Commentary:
    “Forever young, but not a minute early! 🕒😎👴”

  • I need a leaf blower, but for people.

    Commentary:
    “Just imagine clearing crowds like autumn leaves – ‘Sorry, folks, the wind’s really picking up today!’ 🍃😄🍂”

  • I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

    Commentary:
    “Nothing like a good message mix – keeps life nutty and never boring! 🥜📱😂”

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