3514 Funny i quotes

Trending Funny I Quotes 🔥

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.
It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.
I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.
At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.
I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

More funny i quotes 👇

2 weeks ago
Share →: I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Commentary:
"Sending positive vibes and bed sheets for everyone's well-being! 😜🛌 #MentalHealthMatters"
2 weeks ago
Share →: People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Commentary:
"Admitting mistakes is for amateurs! I'm only professionally flawless 😜🦄✨ #PerfectlyImperfect"
2 weeks ago
Share →: When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Commentary:
"Just doing my civic duty as a professional 'not-my-fault' driver! 🚗💨⬇️ #BlameTheSnail"
2 weeks ago
Share →: I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Commentary:
"Sounds like your household has a woof-tastic sound system! 🎶🐾😂"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Commentary:
🏠💰 "Landlord: I’m raising your rent.
Me: Cool, so is the house getting taller, wider, or just more sarcastic?" 😂🔑
2 weeks ago
Share →: My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Commentary:
"When finding the remote needs military precision. Everyone, prepare for 'Operation Sofa Search'! 🛋️🔍🤣"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Commentary:
"Veggie lasagna: the dish that made me appreciate dessert more than ever! 🍝🤐😂"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

Commentary:
"Because who doesn't love being agreed with… by themselves? 🤣🔊❤️ #EchoChamberLove"
3 weeks ago
Share →: I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Commentary:
"Your wife's dedication is unmatched! 🚗🎶 She won't let a driveway stop her from finding THE perfect song! 😄🙌"
3 weeks ago
Share →: I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Commentary:
"Haunted house: Spooky fun. Structural repairs: Spooky bills! 👻🔨💸"

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