164 Funny ID quotes

• Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

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  2 weeks ago

  answer, call, conversation, humor, ID, irony, joke, loneliness, me, myself, self, twice, voicemail

• “AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

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  2 weeks ago

  AI, boss, bus, coming, coworker, done, humor, ID, jobs, office, responsibility, sarcasm, soon, throw, under, work, workplace

• I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

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  2 weeks ago

  behave, humor, i, ID, maybe, myself, procrastination, reflection, saw, self-control, self-image, thought, today, told, tomorrow

• At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

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  3 weeks ago

  buffet, food, humor, ID, joke, play, play on words, size, Slayer, vampire, words

• If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

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  3 weeks ago

  early, flirting, forecast, humor, i, ID, joke, leak, man, pretty, pretty woman, weather, woman, women

• If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

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  3 weeks ago

  advice, came, ever, family, fashion, furious, gay, humor, ID, me, never, relationship, son

• “AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

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  3 weeks ago

  AI, check, coming, day, emails, fantasy, fantasy football, football, hours, humor, ID, jobs, life, office, office life, productivity, send, technology, work

• I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

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  3 weeks ago

  aggressive, drive, humor, i, ID, less, morning, relief, stress, stress relief, tank, transportation, work

• My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

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  3 weeks ago

  adult, adulthood, believe, childhood, door, doors, dread, existential, existential dread, expectations, gain, humor, ID, irony, lava, led, me, passageway, quicksand, secret, secret passageway, serum, trap, trap door, truth, truth serum, weight, weight gain

• Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

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  3 weeks ago

  accomplish, apps, communication, contact, dating, frustration, hours, humor, i, ID, nothing, relationship, someone, support, talk, tech, thanks, wanted

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