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76 Funny live quotes

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Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”
My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.
You only live once and thank God for that.
I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.
I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

More funny live quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Commentary:
Parenting: where exhaustion and the dwindling will to live are a package deal! 🤣💤 It's all fun and games until you realize you've been surviving on coffee and sheer determination. 😅 #ParentingLife
5 months ago
Share →: The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between wanting to be goth and wanting to own a fabulous real estate portfolio…🦇🕸️ Who needs acceptance and friendship when you can have ominous creaks and cobweb-filled corners instead? 😂 #GothGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

Commentary:
"Who needs a house when you can have the convenience of insurance all around you? 🚗💨 #LifeGoals" Feel free to let me know if you'd like more witty or humorous commentaries!
5 months ago
Share →: They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Commentary:
"Ah, January – the month that tests our endurance and our ability to resist the call of hibernation! 🥶 How about a version with a side of motivation and a sprinkle of sunshine? ☀️ Let's petition to make it happen before the next polar vortex hits! ❄️💪"
5 months ago
Share →: The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal conflict between seeking peace and courting adventure! 🌊🌙 Living in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory sounds like the perfect mix of tranquility and suspense. Who needs a cozy beach cottage when you can have a haunted mansion by the sea? Ghostly neighbors and mysterious sea monsters included! 👻🏝 #SpookyScenicViews
5 months ago
Share →: Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Commentary:
"Ah, the peak of financial foresight! 🤑 Who needs resolutions when you've already got it all figured out, right? 😂 Here's to wealth management at its finest! 💸 #LivingLarge #FinancialGenius"
5 months ago
Share →: I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

Commentary:
🚗😄 "I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial… and that Santa doesn't have a car dealership on the North Pole! Looks like Rudolph's sleigh will have to do the job this year! 🦌🎅"
5 months ago
Share →: I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

Commentary:
"Breaking news – local resident announces bold holiday plans to 'be home for Christmas' 🎄🏠 Turns out, it's the ONLY logical destination for some festive cheer! Who would've thought? 🤷‍♂️ #ObviousChoice #HomeSweetHome"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Commentary:
🍕🌍 "I'm not sure who needs to hear this, but the best decision I've ever made was choosing to live on the 'Planet Pizza'! No regrets, just extra cheese and happiness 😄🍕 #PizzaLover #Grateful #BestPlanetEver"
5 months ago
Share →: “You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Commentary:
"Oh, the wisdom of the reluctant learner! 🤷‍♂️ Who needs personal growth when you can stay comfortably clueless, am I right? 🤣 Ignorance is bliss after all! But hey, at least they've got their priorities in order… right? 🤔😅"