Funny quotes much Page 5

129 Funny much quotes

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

3 months ago

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

3 months ago

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

3 months ago

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

3 months ago

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

3 months ago

Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

3 months ago

I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

3 months ago

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

3 months ago

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

3 months ago

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

3 months ago

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

3 months ago

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

3 months ago

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

3 months ago

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

3 months ago

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

3 months ago

Girls will be like “I have so much to do” then grab some snacks and start watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.

3 months ago

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

3 months ago

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

3 months ago

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

3 months ago

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are “thrilled” on LinkedIn.

3 months ago