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56 Funny nobody quotes

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

3 months ago

Nobody says “boom shakalaka” like they used to.

3 months ago

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

3 months ago

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

3 months ago

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

3 months ago

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

3 months ago

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

3 months ago

Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

3 months ago

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

3 months ago

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

3 months ago

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

3 months ago

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

3 months ago

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

3 months ago

You can add “cha cha cha” to any sentence you want without explaining yourself. Nobody really appreciates this.

3 months ago

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

3 months ago

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

3 months ago

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

3 months ago

If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

3 months ago

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

3 months ago

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

3 months ago