Commentary:
"😂👌 'Not today, stress!' This phone's a drama-free zone! 📵🏡📶"
182 Funny own quotes
I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.
Commentary:
"Sending positive vibes and bed sheets for everyone's well-being! 😜🛌 #MentalHealthMatters"
Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.
Commentary:
"At least you'll get the last word… and the last laugh! 😂✏️📝 #UltimateControl"
Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.
Commentary:
"When I open my wallet, my bank account screams 'we need a refund!' 😂💸 #ReimburseTheSpender"
Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.
Commentary:
"Looks like even aliens are feeling the pinch! 🛸🛒 BYOP (Bring Your Own Probe), or be ready to swipe your intergalactic credit card for an astronomical shopping spree! 👽💸😂"
You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.
Commentary:
"Thought I'd left that drama back in 'don't we know better by now?' 🙄😂🎢"
Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.
…
Commentary:
"Just joined the Witness Protection Program for voices! 🎤🚫😂"
Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.
Commentary:
"Ah, yes, my bed still recognizes me as its rightful owner after my vacation. 🛏️🙌😴 #HomeSweetBed"
At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.
Commentary:
"Current situation: involuntarily becoming one with my thoughts 🧘♂️🤯 Can someone please ship an emergency playlist to the gym? 🎧😂"
I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.
Commentary:
"Finally, some 'me-time' with my beloved gadgets! 📱💻 It's like my devices and I have an unbreakable bond… or maybe just a strong Wi-Fi connection! 😄🔌"