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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

May the hardest part of your day be getting the jeans over your butt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,418

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Going viral on Slack:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Breaking via Slack:

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

33 Funny partner quotes

More funny partner quotes 👇

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

1 month ago

able, call, comfort, cozy, morning, partner, should, warm, work
An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

1 month ago

activity, app, building, date, fun, fun activity, left, match, negotiation, no talking, partner, restaurants, right, swipe, talking, where
The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

1 month ago

best, best part, humor, marriage, partner, relationship, something, stupid, worst, worst part
People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

1 month ago

annoying, attract, attraction, capacity, deranged, double, humor, i, opposites, partner, people, relationships, same, say
Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

1 month ago

2, advice, date, hr, humor, never, office, partner, pissed, reasons, relationship, super, work
I don’t really care how you met your partner. Tell me about how you met your nemesis.

1 month ago

care, conversation, funny conversation, humor, i, me, meeting, nemesis, partner, relationship, rivalry, tell
The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

1 month ago

choice, choose, everyone, humor, partner, person, realist, relationship, right, romantic, work, wrong
Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

1 month ago

dating, different, end, fashion, having, humor, monogamous, multiple, partner, relationship, single, socks, try, variety
Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

1 month ago

communication, days, definitely, humor, life, married, married life, me, misunderstanding, never, only, partner, relationship, repetition, row, same, say, sentence, telling, told
BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

1 month ago

90, breaking, breaking news, business, finance, fund, funding, help, humor, news, OpenAI, partner, partnership, stock

For even more funny partner quotes, hit next 👇

All funny partner quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

The adult in the room just addressed the elephant in the room.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

The real hack is pouring all that lover girl energy into yourself.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Being a writer means having a story you want everyone in the world to read, except anyone who knows you.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Just landed via Messenger:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Just shared via Facebook:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

Just landed via Threads:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Seen just now on Twitch:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Just landed via Facebook:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

Activity Log ✨

33 Funny partner quotes

More funny partner quotes 👇

All funny partner quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨