The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up. Posted on2 hours ago
So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years? Posted on3 hours ago
The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party. Posted on6 hours ago
My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger. Posted on12 hours ago
I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon. Posted on13 hours ago
Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country. Posted on15 hours ago
We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out? Posted on1 day ago
As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital. Posted on2 days ago
I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do. Posted on2 days ago
Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants. Posted on2 days ago
Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything? Posted on2 days ago
Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long. Posted on2 days ago
My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism. Posted on3 days ago
In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real. Posted on5 days ago5 days ago
You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast. Posted on5 days ago5 days ago
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are. Posted on5 days ago
I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me. Posted on5 days ago