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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I made up all these romantic scenarios in my brain and you’re not following the script.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

Updated

45 minutes ago

Users Online

3,461

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on X:

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Freshly posted on X:

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Just shared via Instagram:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Broadcasted on X:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Shared recently on X:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Just landed via WeChat:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Going viral on WeChat:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

Home » Funny Single Quotes » Page 3

120 Funny single quotes

More funny single quotes 👇

4 weeks ago
Share →: You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

Commentary:
"Trusting a politician is like trusting a cat with a laser pointer — proceed with caution! 🐱🔦😆"
4 weeks ago
Share →: No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

Commentary:
"When a waitress believes in you so much, she gives you wings and a wet nap backup plan! 🙌🍗🤣"
2 months ago
Share →: The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the one-mouse conspiracy: they just change disguises whenever we blink! 🐭🕵️‍♂️🤣"
2 months ago
Share →: Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Commentary:
"Maybe I'm just too tall for everyone else's shortcomings! 🤣📏 #ElevatedStandards"
2 months ago
Share →: I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

Commentary:
"Emails are like cookies—they never find me well, but always find me snacking! 🍪📧😂"
2 months ago
Share →: If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

Commentary:
"Hey, love isn't complicated; it's just on layaway! 🛒❤️😂"
2 months ago
Share →: One of the biggest struggles of being an adult is deciding what to make for supper. Every. Single. Night.

Commentary:
"Sometimes I just want a dinner fairy to appear and say 'Tacos it is!' 🌮✨ #AdultingStruggles #SendHelp"
2 months ago
Share →: Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

Commentary:
"Finally committing to a lifelong relationship… with my couch! 🛋️💔😂 #LoveAtFirstSit"
2 months ago
Share →: Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Commentary:
"Just hoping the Horsemen swipe right! 🐴🤞💀 #ApocalypseDating"
3 months ago
Share →: The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Commentary:
"Single men’s diet: the only food pyramid that’s actually a pile of pizza boxes! 🍕🤣"

For even more funny single quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Dude, we’re gonna be treating others how we want to be treated later if you wanna pull up.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Not being able to see Likes on posts is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

The best part about getting added to a group chat is leaving two weeks later.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

Spotted on Telegram:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Trending via Snapchat:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

Making waves on Reddit:

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Reported on X:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Just shared via X:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

120 Funny single quotes

More funny single quotes 👇

For even more funny single quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny single quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

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