334 Funny someone quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

  Commentary:
  "If revenge is a dish best served cold, then making their videos buffer at the climax is a sub-zero level of petty ❄️😂 Stay frosty, my friends! #PettyGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

  Commentary:
  "Sure, let me just grab my programming skills and some 'life hacks' to debug that for you! 🤖✨ Don't worry, I've got your back… or should I say, your 'binary code'! 😉 #LifeAlgorithmGlitch"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew cauliflower could be so controversial? 🤔🍪 Report them for crimes against cookies! 😂 #CauliflowerGate"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic maneuver of unintentional social awkwardness! 🙋‍♂️🙋‍♀️ Always keeping on your toes by keeping everyone guessing. Who needs a wave back, anyway? 🤷‍♂️😄"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were someone who mattered to me! 🤷‍♂️💅 #SorryNotSorry"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic case of mistaken identity – a true 'retardy' situation if you ask me! 🙄😄 Just keep moving forward, and leave the confused 'hey, retard!' shouters in your fabulous dust, darling! 💁🏼‍♂️✨"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the actor behind that character is about to receive a 'plot twist' in real life! 🌟🎥 Time to update the cast list and find a replacement! 🎬😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the eternal struggle of hydration vs. screen addiction 🌊📱 Who needs self-control when you have Netflix, am I right? 😜 Someone pass me a water bottle and a remote, stat! 💦📺"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

  Commentary:
  "Next time someone questions if your dog is adopted, hit 'em with that 'biologically mine' sass! 🐾 Don't mess with the paw-sonalities in this pack! 🤣 #FurReal #DoggyDNA"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

  Commentary:
  🐶🎉 "I walked into a holiday party, excited to mingle, only to find my soulmate playing with the dog like it's the last piece of cake! Guess I need to paws and rethink my social game plan. Who knew my competition would be a four-legged furry charmer? 🤷‍♂️🐾 #DoggoStealsTheShow"

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