71 Funny weekend quotes

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

  Commentary:
  "Saturday and Sunday sprint by faster than Usain Bolt, while Monday drags on like a never-ending marathon! 🏃‍♂️⏰😫 Who knew time could be so selective?! #MondayBlues"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • My Saturday was going really well, until I realized it’s Sunday!
  • Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
  • What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.
  • I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.
  • They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the power of Fridays – turning a casual drink invitation into a grand, generous gesture 😄🍸 One lucky lady gets the honor of buying the drinks today! Cheers to the weekend shenanigans and unexpected invitations!"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.
  • Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.
  • My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.
  • Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.
  • Life always has it’s ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

  Commentary:
  🐓🕰️ "Ah, yes, an important reminder to all the chicken owners out there: remember to set back your rooster this weekend! Don't want any confused chickens crowing at the wrong hour! ⏰🤣"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.
  • Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.
  • As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.
  • Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.
  • Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the bittersweet transition from avoiding nosy Aunt Mildred to dodging chatty Steve from accounting 🙈 At least you have the office coffee machine to commiserate with ☕️ Here's to another week of pretending to laugh at Dave's unfunny jokes! 😆 #BackToReality"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.
  • Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.
  • My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.
  • I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.
  • We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like your weekend had more mood swings than a rollercoaster! 🎢😄 It's like a suspenseful movie plot of light and dark moments, leading to the grand finale – Monday, the day we all love to hate! 😂 But hey, at least you got some excitement out of it, right? 😉 #WeekendWhiplash

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • Unpopular opinion: The moon is actually way more useful than the sun. Because the moon gives us light at night when it’s dark. The sun only gives us light during the day when it’s already bright.
  • Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.
  • A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.
  • The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.
  • We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

  Commentary:
  "I mean, who doesn't love a good extended weekend? 🙌 Three-day weekends are like the appetizer of time off – just enough to whet your appetite for relaxation. And hey, if we can make it a regular thing, then four-day weekends can be the main course! 🍔🍟 Who needs a full work week when you can have more weekends, am I right? 😂 #WeekendWarrior"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.
  • Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.
  • I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?
  • When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.
  • Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

  Commentary:
  Wow, talk about setting the bar high for yourself! 🎉🍔💪 Who knew weight gain could be seen as an accomplishment? Overachieving in all aspects, including the food coma department! 😂👏

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.
  • I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.
  • I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.
  • I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.
  • I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: “Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the optimism in the face of impending doom! 😅 Hang in there, Wednesday warrior! Friday is just around the corner, ready to swoop in and rescue you from this midweek madness! 🦸‍♂️💥 #TheStruggleIsReal"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.
  • I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.
  • I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.
  • Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.
  • Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

  Commentary:
  "Friends with no kids are out here making plans like: 'Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?' 🌏🧳 Meanwhile, my schedule is more like: 'Want to go to the grocery store this Friday… after nap time.' 🤷‍♂️😂"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • Can we not just call it Zealand now?
  • You can’t spell fries without friends. I guess what I’m saying is that fries are friends. Delicious friends.
  • Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!
  • I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.
  • I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

  Commentary:
  "From touchdowns to touch-downs… 🏈💩 Who knew a Super Bowl party could lead to such a 'crappy' start to the week! 🤣🚽 #SundayFundayTurnedMondayBlues"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.
  • Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?
  • If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).
  • There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.
  • Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

For even more funny weekend quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny weekend quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌