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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Girlhood is taking hundreds of pictures only to post one or none at all.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

You ever cleaned a room in your house so good that you walked out… just to walk back in to see your work?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

The people that sing their heart out, but terribly, are my people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,487

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Just landed via Threads:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

Just landed via Threads:

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Making waves on X:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

Just shared via Slack:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

Just shared via Twitch:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Spotted on Twitch:

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

154 Funny adult quotes

More funny adult quotes 👇

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

1 week ago

adult, adult life, adults, couch, couch potato, humor, humor quote, i, ignore, ignoring, ignoring problems, laziness, life, phone, phone usage, play, potato, problems, procrastination, run, sit, usage
After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

1 week ago

30, adult, adult life, after, aging, aging humor, bedtime, getting, health, humor, life, night, pee, sleep
I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

1 week ago

adult, being, humor, i, joke, life, responsibility, sarcasm, stepping, stepping down, thank, tired
Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

1 week ago

adult, adulting, cause, dynamics, family, family dynamics, hanging, humor, interesting, oh, parenting, parents, self-awareness, why
One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

1 week ago

adult, after, back, blues, hardest, long weekend, Monday, Monday blues, motivation, office, productivity, returning, things, weekend, work
Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

2 weeks ago

adult, comedy, double, double entendre, entendre, good, hand, humor, innuendo, joke, left, making, masturbation, playful, right, sandwich, sex
I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

2 weeks ago

activity, adult, animal, anyone, around, eat, even, fun, fun activity, goat, human, humor, i, independence, jump, me, randomness, rebellion, relief, stress, stress relief, want
Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

2 weeks ago

adult, caffeine, coffee, dust, energizer, fairy, fairy dust, humor, magic, version
Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

2 weeks ago

40s, actor, adult, adult humor, aging, best, bra, bras, humor, menopause, Oscar, role, support, supportive, welcome, women
Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

2 weeks ago

adult, birth, crying, humor, joke, life, much, perspective, sarcasm, world

For even more funny adult quotes, hit next 👇

All funny adult quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

61 shares on Discord this month:

Living solo: where pants are optional, and snacks are unlimited.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

65 shares on Threads this month:

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

14 shares on Instagram this month:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

14 shares on Discord this month:

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

55 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

63 shares on Discord this month:

My body is a “wonder what happened” land.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

My mood is currently on “shuffle”.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Before cell phones, if you were bored in public, you had to flip a nickel in the air over and over.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Going viral on X:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

Shared recently on WeChat:

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Shared recently on Discord:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Spotted on Slack:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Just landed via Reddit:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Just landed via Messenger:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Broadcasted on X:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Activity Log ✨

154 Funny adult quotes

More funny adult quotes 👇

All funny adult quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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