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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,600

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Seen just now on Facebook:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Trending via Threads:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Y’all aren’t taking beautiful women to jazz clubs anymore, and that’s the problem.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Live now on Messenger:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

Going bananas on Twitch:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

Making waves on Twitch:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

154 Funny anything quotes

Funny anything quotes 😂 are like the sprinkles on life’s cupcake 🎂, adding a dash of humor to the everyday mundane. Whether you’re laughing at the absurdity of socks always going missing 🧦 or life’s eternal quest to avoid stepping on LEGO bricks, these quotes promise a chuckle or two. Ready to giggle your way through the chaos? Dive in and let hilarity ensue! 😄

New funny anything quotes 👇

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

7 days ago

anything, application, cover, cover letter, employment, except, humor, i, job, job application, letter, procrastination, work, writing
Why do I have to take care of this idiot (me) every single day? Can’t she do anything on her own?

7 days ago

anything, care, daily, daily struggle, day, dialogue, every, frustration, humor, i, idiot, inner, inner dialogue, me, own, self-awareness, self-care, self-deprecating, self-deprecating humor, single, struggle, take, why
Doc, if I can vibecode anything and everyone else can vibecode anything, then what’s my competitive advantage?

7 days ago

advantage, anything, coding, competition, competitive, competitive advantage, Doc, doctor, else, everyone, humor, i, question, technology, vibecode
Times New Roman never did anything to anybody. It was a real trooper. Then society unceremoniously dethroned it.

1 week ago

anything, dethroned, font, humor, never, new, real, roman, society, times, Times New Roman, typeface, typography
How do couples who live together get anything done? I wouldn’t leave my bed if my girlfriend was in it.

1 week ago

anything, bed, couple, couples, done, girlfriend, humor, i, laziness, leave, live, living, living together, procrastination, relationship, together
You never hear anything about Mr. Rubik himself, only about his cube.

1 week ago

anonymity, anything, cube, hear, humor, inventor, never, only, puzzle, Rubik
The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

1 week ago

anything, attraction, feminine, feminine urge, flirtation, humor, relationship, tease, turn, urge
I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

1 week ago

ago, anything, before, ChatGPT, humor, i, interaction, internet, life, online, online interaction, Reddit, someone, trust, using
If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

1 week ago

anything, bottle, drinking, ever, fact, humor, just, know, me, minutes, personal, socializing, wanted, wine
I’ve been thinking. Is ‘fat’ short for anything? Like an old word or something?

1 week ago

anything, fat, humor, old, question, short, something, thinking, word

For even more funny anything quotes, hit next 👇

All funny anything quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Most people don’t listen at all, they just wait until they can continue talking.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

53 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

52 shares on Discord this month:

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re crazy.” God forbid I keep my family traits alive.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,390

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Liking sports is great because you’ll have a bad day, then here your team comes to make it worse.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Going viral on X:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

Trending via Reddit:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Trending via Facebook:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it.

Trending via Instagram:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Just landed via Twitch:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Passive income? Brothers, I need massive income.

Making waves on YouTube:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

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