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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,273

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Live now on Pinterest:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

Making waves on WeChat:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Going viral on WeChat:

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

Just shared via Pinterest:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Trending via Discord:

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.

161 Funny coffee quotes

Funny coffee quotes are a delightful way to celebrate our love for that perfect cup of java! ☕😂 From the humorous side of caffeine addiction to witty observations about our daily brew, these quotes capture the essence of coffee culture with a smile. Sip and enjoy the laughs! 😄

New funny coffee quotes 👇

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

3 hours ago

caffeine, coffee, dinosaur, dinosaurs, extinction, humor, irony, prehistoric
I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

3 hours ago

addiction, caffeine, coffee, drink, humor, i, jittery, me, people, personality, picture
I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

6 hours ago

coffee, delusion, humor, i, love, morning, sarcasm, smell
Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

13 hours ago

afternoon, beverage, california, coffee, crying, emotions, humor, iced, iced coffee, most
My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

16 hours ago

always, coffee, confidence, daily, daily routine, drink, humor, plan, plans, routine, same, sexy, today
Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

16 hours ago

acceptable, casual, casual wear, coffee, coffee cup, comfort, cup, daily, daily routine, day, holding, humor, norm, pajama, pajamas, relaxation, routine, social, social norm, socially, wear
Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

16 hours ago

adult, brain, coffee, drink, even, functioning, functioning adult, humor, i, just, me, taste, thinking, trick, tricks, work
Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

21 hours ago

almost, anything, awkward, awkward moment, barista, coffee, else, humor, i, moment, order, said, stability
How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

21 hours ago

bed, coffee, drinking, humor, late, lying, morning, naked, relaxation, still, too
When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

22 hours ago

coffee, coffee cup, cup, daily, daily life, dishwasher, humor, just, life, open, parent, routine, skincare, skincare routine, steam

For even more funny coffee quotes, hit next 👇

All funny coffee quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Slack this month:

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

53 shares on Messenger this month:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

26 shares on Discord this month:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

25 shares on X this month:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

32 shares on TikTok this month:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,720

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I will improve my life after I doom scroll a little more. Yes.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I just looked over at my new shoes and the box says “vegan”. I’ve never had to feed my other shoes before.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2300 words.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

Just shared via Instagram:

I just looked over at my new shoes and the box says “vegan”. I’ve never had to feed my other shoes before.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

Trending via Facebook:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

Going bananas on Slack:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

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