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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡¦ has copied:

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡¨ has viewed:

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡³ has copied:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡° has copied:

Women don’t like me, so I’m going to spend all my money on a jacket.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡¦ has copied:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡΅ has viewed:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΄ has copied:

I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,370

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Sorry for texting back instantly. My phone is in my hand, I’m mature, and I like you.

Shared recently on Slack:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like β€œI wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data.

Just shared via Discord:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Going viral on Discord:

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

Live now on YouTube:

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

172 Funny girl quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Slack this month:

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

75 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,345

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡¬ has shared:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡¦ has viewed:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped school.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡³ has copied:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

Witnessing karma is awesome . . . witnessing instant karma is more awesome.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has shared:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

β€œNever let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Breaking via Facebook:

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Trending via Threads:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out β€œShots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Going viral on Messenger:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

Freshly posted on Threads:

If PokΓ©mon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

Freshly posted on X:

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

Just landed via WeChat:

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

Just landed via Slack:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Just landed via Pinterest:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

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