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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,307

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Shared recently on Facebook:

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

Freshly posted on X:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Shared recently on Messenger:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

Seen just now on Telegram:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

Shared recently on Slack:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Breaking via Slack:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Reddit this month:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

38 shares on WeChat this month:

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

40 shares on Discord this month:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Some people are wise; some are otherwise.

23 shares on Slack this month:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,320

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.

Spotted on Threads:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Trending via YouTube:

Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

Going viral on Threads:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Going viral on WeChat:

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

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