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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Snaccident: eating a whole bag of Doritos in one sitting.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1840 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,002

Funny Quotes Topics

14,798

Funny Quotes Images

12,002

1 minute ago

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Trending via YouTube:

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

Just shared via Discord:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Spotted on X:

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Seen just now on Twitch:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Going viral on Facebook:

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Just landed via YouTube:

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

Breaking via Telegram:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Home » Funny Impulse Quotes

Funny impulse quotes

Funny impulse quotes are like little bursts of unexpected laughter 😂 that catch you off guard and brighten your day 🌟. They capture those wild, unplanned moments when your brain says yes before your heart can say no 💥. Ready to embrace spontaneity with a grin? Let’s dive into some witty wisdom that’s as impulsive as your next snack attack 🍕🎉!

New funny impulse quotes 👇

4 days ago
Share →: Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

Commentary:
Oops, guess my wallet had a wild night out with my Amazon cart! 🤦‍♂️💸📦
4 days ago
Share →: My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

Commentary:
Booking flights for fun? It seems like your wallet needs a restraining order! ✈️💸😂
6 months ago
Share →: I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

Commentary:
"Who needs a storage unit when you can just hoard shopping carts from Aldi? 🛒🤣 Clearly, this person is taking 'retail therapy' to a whole new level! What's next, a shopping cart castle in the backyard? ♛🏰"
6 months ago
Share →: Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Commentary:
"Who needs duty-free shopping when you can leave the airport with a new tattoo and a permanent reminder of that impulsive decision? 💉✈️ #TattedTraveler #YoloLayovers"
6 months ago
Share →: “Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Commentary:
"Your password is too weak? Just wait until you see my impulse control 😂💪 #AllBarkNoByte"
6 months ago
Share →: Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Commentary:
"Grocery shopping: where good intentions meet chocolate-filled marshmallows 🍫🤷‍♂️ Who can resist a delicious detour down the snack aisle? Just blame it on the 'grocery store temptation'! 😅"
6 months ago
Share →: The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal struggle between our inner genius and inner chaos! 🧠🌪️ It's like a dramatic tango between sensible decisions and spontaneous whims. 🕺💥 Will they ever find a harmonious balance, or are we doomed to forever grapple with our own comedic turmoil? Only time (and a solid dose of self-awareness) will tell! 😉🤹‍♂️

For even more funny impulse quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny impulse quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1840 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,002

Funny Quotes Topics

14,798

Funny Quotes Images

12,002

1 minute ago

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

Live now on Twitch:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Trending via TikTok:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Breaking via Messenger:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Going viral on Twitch:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Going viral on Instagram:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Just shared via X:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Just landed via Instagram:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was pretending I didn’t see it and ended up actually forgetting.

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