1558 Funny joke quotes

• When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

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  5 months ago

  bring, chess, chess clock, clock, clocks, dessert, dining, fork, humor, joke, know, let, person, should, smack, turn, waiter

• My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

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  5 months ago

  asked, childhood, fan, game, games, humor, i, iPad, joke, kid, kids, me, play, question, robot, sound, speak, speech, technology, told, used

• Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

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  5 months ago

  bad, body, flexibility, humor, inner, joke, posture, pretzel, self-deprecation

• Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

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  5 months ago

  humor, joke, lack, me, pun, sarcasm, self, sounds, suffering, vitamin

• Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

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  5 months ago

  age, birthday, growing, growing up, humor, joke, life, man, men, why

• The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

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  5 months ago

  barrier, big, big natural, canyon, grand, Grand Canyon, great, Great Barrier Reef, humor, i, joke, landmark, major, misunderstanding, natural, nature, outdoor, reef, thought, time

• If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

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  5 months ago

  forehead, humor, i, joke, kiss, mirror, name, playful, say, show, superstition, three, times

• Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

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  5 months ago

  anytime, body, body image, chin, comment, comments, humor, i, ignore, image, joke, keep, self-confidence, someone, try, weight

• I bet she doesn’t even laugh at your dumb jokes the fake way I did.

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  5 months ago

  bet, dumb, even, fake, fake laugh, humor, i, joke, jokes, laugh, relationship, sarcasm

• Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

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  5 months ago

  addiction, alcohol, celebrity, drug, drugs, give, humor, joke, keith, Keith Richards, life, longevity, richards, take

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