610 funny know quotes - Page 9 - Wordgag ツ

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Jan 23, 2026

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

Jan 23, 2026

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

Jan 23, 2026

Always funny to see motivational posts from people I know are toxic in real life.

Jan 22, 2026

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

Jan 22, 2026

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Jan 22, 2026

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Jan 22, 2026

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

Jan 22, 2026

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Jan 22, 2026

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

Jan 22, 2026

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

Jan 22, 2026

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

Jan 22, 2026

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Jan 22, 2026

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Jan 22, 2026

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Jan 22, 2026

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Jan 22, 2026

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Jan 22, 2026

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

Jan 22, 2026

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

Jan 22, 2026

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Jan 22, 2026

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Jan 22, 2026

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Jan 22, 2026

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Jan 22, 2026

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

Jan 22, 2026

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Jan 22, 2026

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

Jan 22, 2026

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Jan 22, 2026

Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Jan 22, 2026

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Jan 22, 2026

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Jan 22, 2026

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

Jan 22, 2026

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Jan 22, 2026

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Jan 22, 2026

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

Jan 22, 2026

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Jan 22, 2026

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Jan 22, 2026

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Jan 22, 2026

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Jan 22, 2026

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Jan 22, 2026

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

Jan 22, 2026