Funny quotes last

80 Funny last quotes

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

1 month ago

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

1 month ago

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

1 month ago

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

1 month ago

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

1 month ago

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

2 months ago

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

2 months ago

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

2 months ago

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

2 months ago

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

2 months ago

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

2 months ago

Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

3 months ago

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

3 months ago

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

3 months ago

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

3 months ago

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

3 months ago

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

3 months ago

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

3 months ago

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

3 months ago

Nicole Kidman being in a film called Babygirl is actually perfect cause it’s like another version of her last name.

3 months ago

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

3 months ago

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

3 months ago

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

3 months ago

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

3 months ago

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

3 months ago

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

3 months ago

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

3 months ago

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

3 months ago

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

3 months ago

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

3 months ago