Funny quotes last

80 Funny last quotes

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Funny Quotes Feb 28, 2025

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Funny Quotes Feb 25, 2025

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Funny Quotes Feb 25, 2025

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Funny Quotes Feb 25, 2025

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Funny Quotes Feb 25, 2025

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Funny Quotes Feb 18, 2025

Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

Funny Quotes Jan 29, 2025

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Nicole Kidman being in a film called Babygirl is actually perfect cause it’s like another version of her last name.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025