139 Funny last quotes

• Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

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  1 hour ago

  bedtime, bedtime procrastination, control, control issue, day, day end, end, feels, give, issue, last, personal, personal time, procrastination, sleep, sleep issue, time, yours

• If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

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  2 weeks ago

  broke, childbirth, customer, customer service, emergency, fault, humor, last, last minute, minute, nice, pregnancy, procrastination, retail, retail worker, service, shop, shopping, water, week, worker

• Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

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  2 weeks ago

  5, book, bro, humor, irony, last, obsession, read, reading, storytelling, tech, tech bro

• US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

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  3 weeks ago

  border, etiquette, five, guy, history, humor, last, media, need, question, social, social media, tip, us, US etiquette

• Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

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  3 weeks ago

  ahead, anywhere, change, change of plan, doing, doing nothing, enjoy, event, humor, i, invitation, invite, know, last, last minute, me, minute, need, needs, nothing, plan, preparation, procrastination, social, social event, spontaneity, time

• I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

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  3 weeks ago

  50, 6, care, dental, dental hygiene, flossing, got, humor, hygiene, last, minutes, months, oral, oral care, pressure, procrastination, time, time pressure

• When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

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  1 month ago

  advice, ask, help, helpful, humor, i, last, losing, memory, put, question, questions, search, someone, something, where

• The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

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  1 month ago

  2, binge, binge-watching, cliffhanger, drama, episode, episodes, last, me, procrastination, sexual, sexual tension, show, tension, TV, TV Show, watching

• That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

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  1 month ago

  couple, diet, humor, January, last, lose, loss, moment, new, new year resolution, passing, procrastination, realize, resolution, still, time, time passing, trying, weeks, weight, weight loss, year

• Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them.

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  2 months ago

  ahead, back, competition, dad, driving, family, family trip, hard, hate, hour, humor, last, pass, passing, road, road trip, stopping, trip, vehicle

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