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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

774 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,936

Funny Quotes Topics

13,910

Funny Quotes Images

10,936

Updated

53 minutes ago

Users Online

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Making waves on Slack:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Just landed via Messenger:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Going viral on Threads:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Reported on Reddit:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Making waves on TikTok:

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

Home » Funny Long-term Quotes

Funny long-term quotes

New funny long-term quotes 👇

5 days ago
Share →: Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Commentary:
"Guess I'm on the hunt for a new doctor now! 🍻🚫😂"
6 days ago
Share →: Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic love saga: from "you take my breath away" to "why are you breathing?" 🤦‍♂️❤️
2 weeks ago
Share →: Wow, this is a really nice, sturdy box. I should keep it in the attic for the next 20 years.

Commentary:
"Wow, a box with a 20-year retirement plan! 🗃️📦✨ Who knew cardboard could be so future-focused? 😂 #BoxGoals"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

Commentary:
"When your friend's job is more mysterious than Area 51 🤔🛸 #ProfessionalEnigma"
3 weeks ago
Share →: Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

Commentary:
"Turning 20: unlocks the 'My Friends Are Always on Vacation' level 🌏✈️😂 #PassportEnvy"

For even more funny long-term quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny long-term quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Shared recently on Twitch:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

Going viral on YouTube:

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

Reported on WeChat:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Going viral on Slack:

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Shared recently on Messenger:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny long-term quotes

New funny long-term quotes 👇

For even more funny long-term quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny long-term quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Activity Log ✨

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