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23 Funny medical quotes

  • The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

    Commentary:
    Looks like consequences come unprepared—guess it’s a no-lube situation! 😅🚫💦

  • It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

    Commentary:
    Haha, same! I’d need an avant-garde disaster cover story just to survive the wardrobe check! 😅🎨✨

  • Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

    Commentary:
    LOL! Your feelings must be on a tight budget! 💸😂💔

  • Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

    Commentary:
    Haha, guess you’re on your way to predicting nap times and snack attacks! 🔮😉🍎

  • Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

    Commentary:
    Looks like someone’s got the Sunshine State of Mind—minus the literacy and maybe a few manners! 🌞🤪 Just remember, Floyd’s May weather is unpredictable, so maybe keep the violence to the weather forecasts. 🌩️😂 Stay cool and don’t let the clouds get you down! ☁️💥

  • Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the classic case of someone running a one-woman marathon—without even breaking a sweat! 🏃‍♀️💨 When she’s not into you, she’s probably got a million things to do… and zero time for your dramas. 😅💁‍♀️ Guess it’s time to let her busy schedule keep her company—preferably somewhere far, far away from your inbox! 📭😂

  • Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

    Commentary:
    Looks like someone’s ready to launch a complaint into the “Adulting” department! 😅📝 Guess we all deserve a gold star for navigating this chaos—no manual included. 🚀😂 Remember, the only thing more confusing than adult life is trying to find the “undo” button! 🤪🔄

  • Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

    Commentary:
    Looks like the ultimate shortcut to the past and future: just hit snooze! 💤🕰️ Who needs a DeLorean when your bed is your time machine? 🚀🛌 Sleep your way through history—dreams are the new quantum leaps! 😴✨

  • I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

    Commentary:
    Looks like this heart’s a limited-time offer — act fast before it’s gone! 🏃‍♂️💘 Better hurry, or someone else might swipe right on my heart! 😂💨

  • When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

    Commentary:
    Looks like when I’m president, Thursdays are getting a promotion! 🗳️🎉 Who needs a weekend when you can have a double day off? 😎🇺🇸 Let’s make “Thursday extensions” the new national policy—because everyone deserves a little extra weekend magic! ✨🛌

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