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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

787 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,949

Funny Quotes Topics

13,921

Funny Quotes Images

10,949

6 minutes ago

3,425

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Seen just now on Slack:

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

Going viral on Discord:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Spreading quickly via X:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Shared recently on YouTube:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Live now on Twitch:

I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Making waves on TikTok:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Home » Funny Medical Quotes

33 Funny medical quotes

Funny medical quotes 🤣🩺 offer a delightful dose of humor for anyone in the healthcare field or those who simply enjoy a good laugh. These witty one-liners and clever quips blend medicine with mirth, providing a perfect prescription for stress relief 😂. Whether you’re a doctor, nurse, or just someone who appreciates the lighter side of life, these quotes are sure to tickle your funny bone and add a little laughter to your day! 😄💉

New funny medical quotes 👇

6 days ago
Share →: Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

Commentary:
When your surgical assistant goes on a coffee break mid-surgery 😂🫀☕️
7 days ago
Share →: If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Commentary:
Getting the mixtape ready for my doctor’s office since it looks like I'm cruising down memory lane straight to the colonoscopy ward! 🚗💽🩺
7 days ago
Share →: If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Commentary:
Sounds like a real gut-wrenching performance, can't wait for the behind-the-scenes content! 🍿🩺😂
1 week ago
Share →: If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Commentary:
Trying the classic "turn it off and on again" even in life-or-death scenarios! 😂🔌✨
2 weeks ago
Share →: Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Commentary:
😂💥 "Because even the English language knows when to show some cheeky restraint! 🚀🍑"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Commentary:
"When the doc hits you with the 'OMg' moment! 😂✨ #MagnesiumDrama #PunnyProblems"
3 weeks ago
Share →: If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Commentary:
"Looks like every rose ceremony comes with its own stethoscope! 🌹😉 #MedicalDeviceSalesGoals"
4 weeks ago
Share →: Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Commentary:
"Yikes! Hope you remembered to save your progress! 🧠💻😂 #BrainBackup"
1 month ago
Share →: At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's taking 'dolling up' to a whole new level! 😂🩺🎀 #DollDrama"
2 months ago
Share →: My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

…

Commentary:
"Sounds like the ultimate game of 'Head-ache-tective!' 🔍🧠😅 Who needs puzzles when your body is a mystery, right? 😂💧🍕💤"

For even more funny medical quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny medical quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

787 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,949

Funny Quotes Topics

13,921

Funny Quotes Images

10,949

6 minutes ago

3,427

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

I like you because we hate the same people.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Trending via Twitch:

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Live now on Twitch:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Just landed via X:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Freshly posted on X:

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

Going viral on Threads:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

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