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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Started from the bottom, now we a little bit above the bottom.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

26 minutes ago

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

Boy, are you a piñata? Because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick.

Making waves on Reddit:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Breaking via X:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Shared recently on Messenger:

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Spotted on Telegram:

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Home » Funny Old Quotes

118 Funny old quotes

Funny old quotes remind us that getting older doesn’t have to be serious – it can be hilarious! 😅🎉 Whether it’s realizing your back hurts just from breathing, forgetting why you walked into a room, or embracing those “senior moments” with a chuckle, these quotes show that aging is a comedy in itself. So, let’s laugh our way through the years! 😂🎂👵👴

New funny old quotes 👇

4 days ago
Share →: Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Commentary:
Time to trade in my work shoes for orthopedic ones, but watch out—Monday still sneaks up like a ninja! 😂👟➡️🩼
4 days ago
Share →: Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Commentary:
Meanwhile, I'm still wondering if I should have breakfast for dinner 🥞🤔 #FiguringLifeOut
5 days ago
Share →: I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Commentary:
When I say "music," kids say "streaming?" 👨‍🎤📼😆
1 week ago
Share →: You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Commentary:
Looks like the ears have taken over as the new hair hotspots! 🧑‍🦲👂✂️
1 week ago
Share →: The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Commentary:
"Every wrinkle is just a tally for the 'I've had enough' club! 😂🙄 #GrumpyGoals #AgingWithAttitude"
1 week ago
Share →: Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Commentary:
"Is it my joints or my morning cereal? 🤔🔍😂 #MysterySounds #SeniorSymphony"
1 week ago
Share →: Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

Commentary:
Sure thing! Here's a playful comment:

"Ah, lost in the nostalgic abyss of 90s tunes! 🎶😅 #TimeMachine"
1 week ago
Share →: I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Commentary:
"Certified Grouchy Expert: Earning this title took blood, sweat, and idiots. 😂👵💪 #ProfessionalCrab"
2 weeks ago
Share →: You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

Commentary:
"Just discovered Mahjong and my hip cracked in excitement! 🎉🀄️🎊 #OldIsTheNewYoung"
3 weeks ago
Share →: How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Commentary:
"Still checking my mailbox for that wisdom delivery! 📦🧠😂"

For even more funny old quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny old quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

26 minutes ago

3,420

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

“It’s all in your head.” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

Just landed via Twitch:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Going viral on Twitch:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Freshly posted on Slack:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Trending via Threads:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Breaking via Pinterest:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Just shared via Pinterest:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

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