Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

My dentist plays country music, so it’s like a double torture.

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”