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115 Funny put quotes

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

3 months ago

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

3 months ago

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

3 months ago

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

3 months ago

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

3 months ago

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

3 months ago

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

3 months ago

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

3 months ago

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

3 months ago

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

3 months ago

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

3 months ago

You know shit’s about to get real when I put on yoga pants before dessert.

3 months ago

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

3 months ago

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

3 months ago

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

3 months ago

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

3 months ago

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

3 months ago

Watching women’s tennis and getting angry at the net. We shouldn’t put needless obstacles in the way of women.

3 months ago

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

3 months ago

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

3 months ago