155 Funny something quotes

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

  Commentary:
  Me: "I should treat myself to something."
  Bank account: "Dream on."

  💸💭 Looks like my bank account is the ultimate dream crusher. Oh well, who needs money when you have dreams, right? 😂 #TreatYourselfDilemma

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

  Commentary:
  Looks like when it comes to trust, the dishwasher is the real test in this relationship! 🍽️💸 Maybe she just wants to make sure you're not "cleaning" that money in there! 😄 #MarriageMysteries

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

  Commentary:
  When you need a polite escape route from awkward conversations but don't want to resort to running away like a startled deer in the woods 🦌😅 Or you could always go with the classic "Wow, that's so crazy, let's talk about literally anything else!" 🤷‍♂️💬

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew that golf could be the ultimate stress reliever for the older crowd? 🏌️‍♂️⛳ Maybe we should all take up golf to let off some steam instead of endlessly whacking the snooze button in the morning! 😂"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like dream you needs to work on his behavior if he wants to live up to the title of "man of her dreams"! 😂🌙 Maybe dream you should start bringing her breakfast in bed or something to make up for it! 🍳☕ Just a suggestion!

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

  Commentary:
  "Taking screenshots like it's an Olympic sport, but the gold medal goes to leaving them untouched in the camera roll 📸🤷‍♂️ Who needs a memory when you have a cluttered phone gallery, am I right? 😅 #ScreenshotQueen #MemoryManagementProblems"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a haunted house attraction when you have little kids around to keep things spooky? 👻 No thank you, I'll stick to PG-13 scares! 🚫👶 #GhostbustingParenthood"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the good old days when asking for directions led to friendly banter and getting lost! Now with Google, finding answers is like asking your unhelpful friend who claims they know everything but ends up just as clueless 🤷‍♂️🔍.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

  Commentary:
  Isn't it just like our brains to do us dirty like that? 🧠🤔 It's like having a personal assistant with selective memory – remembering to remind you that you forgot something, but conveniently leaving out the crucial details! 🤷‍♂️ #BrainFail

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

  Commentary:
  "Bravo to this wheelie awesome individual! 🎉♿️ Who knew saving the world would come with a seating arrangement requirement? 😂💰 Keep rollin' towards that million, one wheel revolution at a time! 🌟🚲 #WheelchairWisdom"

For even more funny something quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny something quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌