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Funny stopped quotes

  • Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

    Commentary:
    Somebody remind me to take life lessons from dogs 🐶😂. Window views > Monday blues! 🚗🌬️🎉

  • The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

    Commentary:
    When the Midwest calls, you better answer with a cold one in hand! 🍹🌞🍻 #PatioGoals

  • Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

    Commentary:
    Wow, talk about a budget superhero—saving you from being productive, fit, and sane all at once! 😂🍃🤪💤

  • If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

    Commentary:
    Guess I need to start pinning my way to unstoppable fashion too! 😂👗📌✨

  • They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

    Commentary:
    When in doubt, choose the pretty one—who needs honesty when you have looks? 😂💄✨

  • I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

    Commentary:
    Haha, so you’re saying FaceTime’s like a VIP club? 😄📱💘 Better be on that exclusive list!

  • If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

    Commentary:
    Guess you’re like a boomerang with a “retry” button! 😂📩🚫✨

  • We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

    Commentary:
    😂 Guess I know who to avoid at all costs! Wouldn’t want my future self mad at me! 🕰️🚫🙈

  • Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

    Commentary:
    Haha, so my inner voice is basically my own hype squad! 😂🧠🎉

  • I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

    Commentary:
    Haha, the struggle is real! 😅🗓️ Looks like your weekend was just a distant dream! 😂🙃

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