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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

Making waves on TikTok:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Going viral on WeChat:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Just landed via TikTok:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

Spotted on Reddit:

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Going viral on Threads:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Seen just now on Twitch:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

67 Funny survival quotes

Funny survival quotes are like the unexpected giggles in the wilderness of life 🌿😂. They remind us that even when navigating life’s toughest terrains, a little humor goes a long way! Whether you’re braving the great outdoors or just surviving a Monday, these witty gems are your perfect backpack companion 🏕️. So, gear up for a lighthearted adventure filled with laughs and a sprinkle of wisdom—because who says survival can’t be fun? 🎒🎉

New funny survival quotes 👇

You don’t read Dostoevsky. You survive him.

5 days ago

book, Dostoevsky, humor, literature, read, reading, survival, survive
Feel like if a bunch of gays were stranded on a desert island, they’d all drop that voice thing in, like, a day.

5 days ago

accent, behavior, day, desert, desert island, drop, feel, gay, humor, island, social, social behavior, stereotype, stranded, survival, thing, voice
Being smart is a curse. You see the game, the lies, the patterns, but you still gotta play dumb to survive.

5 days ago

being, curse, dumb, game, intelligence, lie, pattern, play, playing, playing dumb, smart, still, strategy, survival, survive
Long story short, I survived.

5 days ago

humor, i, joke, resilience, short, short story, story, survival
With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

5 days ago

another, care, dog, dog sitter, fool, hire, humor, pet, pet care, rate, sitter, survival, survival rate
And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

5 days ago

event, global, global event, humor, i, irony, pandemic, survival, think
Just paid my rent, now I have a warm place to starve in.

6 days ago

financial, financial struggle, housing, humor, i, irony, just, money, paid, place, rent, starve, starving, struggle, survival, warm, warmth
Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

6 days ago

bit, Earth, enjoyment, entertainment, humor, just, life, little, living, mood, music, survival
We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

6 days ago

cake, exaggeration, food, food shortage, house, humor, i, middle, never, perish, shortage, situation, snowstorm, survival, unexpected, unexpected situation, winter
Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

6 days ago

AI, AI evolution, apocalypse, Cloudflare, ever, evolution, fail, humor, imagine, internet, internet outage, joke, kill, outage, survival, tech, tech fail, technology, thing, trying, us

For even more funny survival quotes, hit next 👇

All funny survival quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Twitch this month:

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

81 shares on YouTube this month:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

Scrolling to your birth year is a humiliation ritual.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

Is he trying to pronounce “charcuterie” or is he having a stroke?

85 shares on Slack this month:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

43 shares on Discord this month:

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

71 shares on Discord this month:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

A garlic a day keeps people away.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

It is a mistake to say that the people who live a hundred years from now will have nothing to laugh at. They can laugh at us.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,688

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

They should invent a grocery store that’s just for me and no one else.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Going bananas on Facebook:

You can do laundry every day and still be behind on laundry.

Making waves on Slack:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

Going viral on Instagram:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Spotted on Instagram:

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

Spotted on Slack:

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

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