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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Taking off my house pajamas to put on my errands pajamas.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

I relate to a rooster because I also want start off my day by screaming.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,264

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Live now on Reddit:

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

Spotted on Snapchat:

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

Spreading quickly via X:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Just landed via Snapchat:

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Shared recently on X:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

Spotted on Threads:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

31 shares on Threads this month:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

23 shares on Discord this month:

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

31 shares on Slack this month:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

13 shares on Threads this month:

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

14 shares on Discord this month:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

People who scream sneeze need their own island.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you relate to me, get some help!

13 folks are currently checking 👀

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,491

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

“You tryna hang?” Yeah bro, myself!

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Spotted on Messenger:

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

Just landed via Threads:

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

Just landed via Reddit:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Just shared via Reddit:

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

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