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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

People will say “sounds good” at work when things don’t sound good at all.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,736

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I personally feel like I have what it takes to become a fossil.

Just landed via X:

Sorry for acting weird. It’s just that I mirror people, and you were being weird first.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Seen just now on WeChat:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Normalize ending a hang-out abruptly by saying ‘I wanna go home now’ and then going home.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

Trending via Facebook:

Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

Playful quote about cuddling plushies to avoid monster attacks, humorous and lighthearted.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who needs a guard dog when you've got an army of plushies fighting off the under-bed monsters? 🧸👾🛌

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Threads this month:

The amount of family secrets you uncover as you get older is wild.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes life is “Eat, pray, love,” and sometimes it’s “Scroll, snack, overthink.”

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

59 shares on Discord this month:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

19 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,700

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

Seen just now on Threads:

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

Breaking via Messenger:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Making waves on X:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Breaking via Instagram:

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Trending via Facebook:

I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

Going viral on Telegram:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Sometimes uncontrollable laughter is all you need to get the millions of thoughts out of your head.

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