Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Seeing yourself on a FaceTime screenshot really humbles you.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,785

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Just landed via TikTok:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

Trending via Twitch:

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Seen just now on Slack:

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

Just landed via Pinterest:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

More funny quotes 👇

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

0

2 weeks ago

another, barber, conversation, customer, etiquette, getting, haircut, humor, own, please, social, social etiquette, started, talk, talking
At least life has music.

0

2 weeks ago

humor, least, life, music, positivity
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

0

2 weeks ago

always, ambition, aspiration, childhood, ever, girl, humor, i, little, lot, money, wanted, woman
Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be?

0

2 weeks ago

anyone, concern, education, else, fear, future, generation, generations, illiteracy, illiterate, next, scared, stupid, stupidity, youth
Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

0

2 weeks ago

actually, am, autism, gathering, humor, i, misunderstanding, movie, movie night, night, social, social gathering, thought, watch, watching, watching movie
I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

0

2 weeks ago

choice, choices, humor, i, marriage, question, relationship, self-deprecation, wife
I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

0

2 weeks ago

afford, budget, calculation, December, finance, holiday, holiday spending, humor, i, money, only, pray, prayer, spending
Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

0

2 weeks ago

employment, full-time, humor, job, list, lists, load, making, mental, mental load, productivity, think, thinking, thought, thoughts, work
One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

0

2 weeks ago

casual, casual conversation, conversation, drink, humor, kettle, let, main, me, phrase, put, reasons, say, stuff, tea
Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

0

2 weeks ago

absolutely, after, delay, humor, management, meeting, never, new, next, procrastination, push, sarcasm, scheduling, time, time management, year, yes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Threads this month:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

17 shares on Threads this month:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

47 shares on Discord this month:

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

Shared recently on Discord:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Live now on YouTube:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

Live now on Slack:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

Breaking via YouTube:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Spotted on Instagram:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

Just landed via Threads:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Breaking via YouTube:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Making waves on Pinterest:

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨