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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Hansel and Gretel weren’t wrong, every bad decision I’ve ever made started with being hungry.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,909

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

Breaking via Slack:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Just shared via YouTube:

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Good morning. I’m ready for attention now.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Just shared via Discord:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Making waves on TikTok:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

21 Funny cancel quotes

Funny cancel quotes are the perfect way to add a splash of humor when plans go south or events get called off ⏰😂. Whether you’re dodging awkward meetups or just embracing the art of saying no with style, these witty lines bring laughter instead of disappointment 🎉🙅‍♂️. Ready to cancel with a smile and a chuckle? Let’s dive into the lighter side of backing out with some playful vibes! 😎✨

New funny cancel quotes 👇

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

0

2 months ago

cancel, distraction, entertainment, fight, fighting, i, keep, need, neighbor, neighbors, noise, service, services, streaming, streaming service
Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

0

2 months ago

accent, apology, babe, being, British, British accent, cancel, dating, fake, geographic, geographic inconsistency, going, humor, inconsistency, keeps, medieval, relationship, roleplay, sarcasm, sex, sorry
That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

0

2 months ago

break, cancel, canceled, free, free time, gift, gods, humor, meeting, ping, relief, surprise, time, unexpected
If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

0

2 months ago

cancel, entertainment, future, humor, prediction, satire, show, Simpsons, TV, TV Show
We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

0

2 months ago

2023, April, April Fool’s, cancel, current, current events, day, events, fool’s, humor, just, prank, reality, right, should, top, year
I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, age, cancel, enjoy, enjoyment, free, free time, i, introvert, people, plans, social, time, where
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

0

2 months ago

activity, cancel, ever, girl, humor, i, introvert, little, plans, social, wanted
Cancel culture has been canceled.

0

2 months ago

cancel, cancel culture, canceled, commentary, culture, humor, irony, satire, social, social commentary, society, trends
How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

0

2 months ago

appointment, awkward, awkward moment, bank, call, cancel, funny situation, humor, just, moment, say, situation, someone, sperm, sperm bank
After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

0

2 months ago

after, cancel, cancel subscription, cold, cold weather, complaint, free, free sample, having, humor, i, sample, seasonal, seasonal complaint, subscription, weather, winter

For even more funny cancel quotes, hit next 👇

All funny cancel quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Messenger this month:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

56 shares on Slack this month:

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

42 shares on Slack this month:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey girl, do you like my signals? I mixed them myself.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I won’t rest until a cure for insomnia is found.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,847

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Gang initiations from the Midwest be like “you have to eat the entire potato salad.”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Making waves on Snapchat:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Breaking via WeChat:

That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

Shared recently on X:

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

Broadcasted on X:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Shared recently on Messenger:

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

Seen just now on Slack:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Going viral on Threads:

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

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